The Pastor’s Library
Books our Pastors Found insightful
I recently realized how much reading and research our church staff does behind the scenes. We dive into resources because we want to shepherd our community well, but it struck me that we should share these tools directly with you. Moving forward, we want to regularly recommend books that have truly benefited us. To make this as accessible as possible, we are making sure at least one copy of each recommended book is available in our church library for you to borrow, or you can grab your own copy to keep.
Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope with Adult Children
The first book I want to share addresses a heavy burden I have seen many parents in our congregation carry. I have spoken with numerous parents of adult children who are deeply struggling with these relationships. Whether it is a full-blown conflict or a quiet, painful distance, cultural shifts have made this an incredibly common heartache. Many parents feel entirely isolated in this struggle, carrying a quiet guilt that they do not know how to fix.
I ran across a short, highly practical book by Kathy Koch (pronounced “Cook”) that focuses on resolving conflict and finding peace and hope with adult children. The book does an incredible job of reminding parents that they are not alone. It offers small, wise steps to help thaw a frozen relationship, with the ultimate goal of moving toward restoration.
One of the most impactful insights from her writing centers on self-reflection. When we face conflict, it is easy to defend ourselves. But wisdom calls us to look at Matthew 7 and examine the plank in our own eye. Even if we only contributed five percent to the problem, we need to take full ownership of that five percent. The book also emphasizes listening more and talking less. In counseling, it is a known truth that someone will not be open to a new idea until they are fully convinced you have heard and understood their current perspective. Our adult children need to know they have been heard before a meaningful conversation can truly begin.
Shepherding a Child’s Heart
The second recommendation looks at the younger years of parenting. Around Father’s Day, I preached through the book of Proverbs regarding family, which got our staff thinking about the healthiest parenting resources available. We wanted to find the right book to offer our congregation for a parenting certification class this fall, and we landed on a classic: Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. While it is an older book with a few dated illustrations, the core content is timeless and tremendous.
Most modern parenting advice focuses strictly on shaping a child’s behavior. Tripp shifts the focus entirely to the heart. If we only change external behavior without addressing the heart, the change is only temporary. By understanding and shaping a child’s heart, we are building their long-term character.
Tripp challenges the modern cultural trend of “gentle parenting,” which often encourages children to simply draw answers from within themselves. From a biblical worldview, we know that children carry a sin nature, meaning they need parental authority and direction, not just a buddy. There is a classic truism that rules without relationship lead to tyranny, while relationship without rules leads to anarchy. Many modern parents have rejected strict legalism only to fall into an anarchy where they act as their child’s friend rather than their parent. Our job is to provide clear authority and direction, but to do so entirely within a context of deep love. When children know that rules are an expression of love, it shapes them from the inside out to become who Christ called them to be.
Both of these books are available to help you navigate the beautiful, complex seasons of family life. I encourage you to stop by the church library, pick up a copy, and take these steps of wisdom together.
